I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
