We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
