I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
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