even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize
