I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
