So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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