I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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