So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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