He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
