Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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