im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
