worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
