SEEEEXXX PLEASE
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
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you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
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I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize