You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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