i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
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