I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
