we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Someone came in the potted fern
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
