hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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