Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
