You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
