I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
