Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Naked. naked and bneed help.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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