i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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