I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
