I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
