just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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