He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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