I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
