Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
