I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Randomize
