her vagine was all disorganized.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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