One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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