Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm passing your future prison.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
