there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
