thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
