I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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