You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
farters have to be the big spoon...
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You took a bar mat shot.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Randomize
