A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
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