Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
