If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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