He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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