Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
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i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
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Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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