umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I just want nice things and good sex
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
