K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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