I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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