and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
