i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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