just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
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I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
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He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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