All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
