My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
