i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
