I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
