apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
