Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
