she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
