im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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