is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
