I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
