The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
