The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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