Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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