my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
high people should be assigned attendants
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
